How To Be More Assertive As A Teenager
Being assertive is something we hear a lot about and it’s usually viewed positively. But becoming more assertive yourself can feel very scary!
As a teenager, you’re actively figuring out who you are, who you want to be, and your place in the world. Learning to be assertive in a healthy way can help you become the person you want to be, rather than the person you think others want you to be.
There are many benefits to being more assertive.
It can help you:
Prevent others from taking advantage of you
Identify & prevent bullying behavior
Earn the respect of others
Gain more self-confidence
Feel empowered
Recognize and understand your feelings
Create more honest & open relationships
Find deeper satisfaction
Improve communication
Improve your decision-making skills
If you struggle to express your feelings because of fear of rejection or being belittled, learning to be more assertive can really help you communicate with others more effectively.
Your style of communication often develops from what you’ve experienced in your life and beliefs that you may have chosen to adopt or that you were raised with. Your communication style may be so familiar to you that you're not even sure what it is! Being aware of and open to changing your communication style can help you learn to communicate more effectively and in healthier ways.
Tips for learning to be more assertive:
Think about your style. Are you quick to share your opinions or do you tend to stay quiet? Do you automatically say yes even when you know you don’t have the time or energy? Are you quick to judge or blame? Understanding what your communication style is vital to making changes.
Do you use more “I" or “you” statements? Using “I” statements is a simple way to share your thoughts and feelings without sounding accusatory. For example, you could say, "I disagree," rather than, "You're wrong." Try to keep your requests and statements simple, specific and clear.
Just say no! Learning how to say ‘No’ in a healthy way can be both empowering and freeing. If you have a hard time saying ‘No’, you’re not alone! To ease you into it, instead of just saying, ‘No,’ try saying, ‘No, I can't do that at the moment.’ Or ‘No, but I can do that later.’ Even though you may feel like you have to give a reason, you don't need to explain why you’re saying no. If you really feel that an explanation is needed, say it simply and clearly. This is not a time to give in to excuses and justifications!
Practice what you’ll say. If you find it hard to say what you want or think, you can practice in advance. The mirror or even a stuffed toy can be very helpful partners! It may feel weird at first, but try saying what you want to say out loud. Some people find it helpful to write out your words before trying them out loud.
Control your emotions. Getting angry or crying can be common reactions when you’re afraid of perceived conflict. Although these feelings are understandable, they can undermine your efforts to simply state your thoughts or feelings on a matter. If you start to feel emotional, wait a while before going into a situation. Focus on staying calm by breathing deeply and slowly. And try to keep your voice even and firm. You can do this even if you feel nervous inside!
Learning to be assertive is a skill, and, like all skills, it takes time and practice. Be patient with yourself. After all, it took you a long time to develop your current communication style, so you can’t expect it to change overnight!
If you’re still struggling to become more assertive, enlisting the support and guidance of a licensed therapist can really supercharge your results.
At InTune Family Counseling, we’ve helped many individuals and families to learn healthy, practical tools to become more assertive. We provide virtual therapy and in-person family therapy in Santa Rosa, CA, along with the surrounding areas in Sonoma County.
You and your family are important to us!
Get in touch with us today to find out how counseling can help your teenager and your family.
