Launching Your Teen : 6 Tips for Parents

As parents, we naturally want what is best for our children. While wearing our hearts on our sleeve, we try to do our best.

Worry, stress, and confusion likely began in early parenthood - maybe even before you laid eyes on your child. Anxiety around the launching phase is quite natural.

Keeping our kids safe, monitoring their health, and helping them achieve can be both an exhausting and rewarding journey.

Parents of young children are often overwhelmed with resources and advice to help them prepare for developmental milestones. Preparing your teen for life beyond high-school is not always straightforward, and many parents wonder how to best help their child succeed on their own.

Why isn’t there a step-by-step guide to prepare both parents and their teens for the transition into young adulthood?

This is likely because there are vast differences across families, children, cultures, and so many dynamics at play. Nonetheless, this article takes a big picture approach. My hope is to help parents during an exciting, worrisome, and sometimes uncertain time when both parents and their teens experience anxiety, angst, and (sometimes unrealistic) expectations for the future.  

I will share some tips for you to consider when preparing to “launch” your teen into the world.  

As a licensed therapist, I often work with parents and teens searching for assistance during life transitions. Transitions tend to bring more questions than answers.

Frequently, I hear significant differences between what parents want and what their teen wants after high school. 

• Apply for college?

• Move out, or stay home?

• Take a gap year?

• Find a job?

Or, maybe you are on the same page with your teen. Perhaps they have the same goals and aspirations you have for them, but they are unmotivated or distracted (relationships, drugs, or other things). This keeps them from taking the next important steps.

I can tell you it is quite common for parents to experience such worry when it comes to their teen preparing to graduate from high school and “launch” into the next phase of their life. You are most definitely not alone.

Our roles as caregivers for our kids shift as they move through developmental stages.

There comes a point when doing something for our child that they can do on their own can potentially interfere with them developing independence. It may also send the message that they are incapable, resulting in them feeling a lack of personal confidence.

So, how do we help our teens and young adults during the transition from high school to the “real world?”

As a family therapist, here are a few tips for parents looking to help their teen launch successfully. By no means is this a “one size fits all” approach. Rather, it is an outline of things that have helped other families going through the launching process.” Yes, this is a process that takes time, patience, and can hopefully be fun as well!

1. Practice Flexibility

Rigid and unmet expectations will increase stress and disappointment. Therefore, practicing flexibility when it comes to your vision about how your teen “should” achieve may help you to feel less stuck and consequently become more open and supportive of your teenager.

They may actually feel more inclined to share with you if they sense your acceptance instead of judgment.

2. Check your own emotional thermometer

Tune into your emotional state and practice self-care as needed. Reactivity can create more distance within relationships, and this is counterproductive during a time of transition when connection is so important.

Yes, this can be easier said than done, but it can certainly help to recognize when you are reactive and make attempts to calm yourself. I like to think of this as practicing what we preach to our teens and taking a time out before making big decisions allows us to be less impulsive.  

3. Recognize that feelings are not facts

While your teen may feel worried, scared or even confident, these are merely emotions. It is common to tangle up how we feel from what is actually reality. Of course, our feelings are real, but they are not permanent and are constantly changing.

Your teen may be capable but just feel stuck. Working to validate your own feelings while realizing they are not facts will better allow you to support your teen during an emotional time.

4. Monitor your anxiety

Imagine sitting on an airplane and looking forward to the vacation that lies ahead. All of a sudden you hear an exasperated and distressed pilot over the speaker.

The pilot frantically shares his worry and that he doesn’t know what to do or how to land the plane. This response to turbulence would result in an entire aircraft of frightened passengers. However, if the pilot calmly informed everyone that there was turbulence due to weather and that the flight would be rerouted, there may be unhappy and worried passengers, but the level of anxiety would be much more manageable.

As the pilot in your teenager’s eyes, the way you manage your anxiety is important. If you are scared, anxious and out of control this can result in more fear for them as well. Consider this an invitation for you to practice self-care and tune into your own anxiety!

5. Be Present. Focus on your relationship

Practice paying attention to your teen through connection, validation, and helping them to solve their own problems.

Yes, it can be easier to step in and problem solve rather than being patient and supporting them in figuring things out.

However, it is rare that teens find the “lessons” from their parents helpful when too much teaching or preaching is on-going, redundant or misses the point. Alternatively, demonstrating to your child that you believe in them will help them believe in themselves.

6. Utilize Resources

Think about utilizing help from others.

For instance, can other family members help take on difficult yet necessary discussions with your teen? This may take you out of the line of fire for the time being and allow some space for both you and your teen.

Coaches and tutors may also prove a useful resource to direct your teen to for questions they have about the future. We have our natural biases as parents, but other supportive adults can give our teens a more neutral and informative response.

Lastly, perhaps you are feeling sad, scared, and worried about your child separating from you. Maybe your child has not met your expectations and you are disappointed. This may be a great time for you to consider seeking support through friends, counseling or local support groups!

If you want to find out more about getting the support you or your teen needs you can give us a call today.

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